Ok, I'd like advice now, peoples.
A few months ago we were having terrible problems with Emma acting out and having tantrums. At the time, we tried doing timeouts in her bed, but that just led to problems when it was time for her to go to sleep. We then tried setting up a pack n' play for timeouts, but she learned how to climb out of it within a matter of about 15 seconds (this is a literal statement). Luckily, we were able to nip those behaviors in the bud, and she hasn't really had a need for timeouts lately.
Well... fast foreward, and Emma has been surrounded by boy cousins for the last month. During the course of play, she watched and then joined in on friendly wrestling/horseplay/hitting. And the hitting has carried over.
(PLEASE DO NOT THINK THAT I AM BLAMING THIS ON THE COUSINS... THEY ARE ALL WONDERFUL BOYS, THEY ARE JUST BOYS!!! EVEN GRANDPA GOT IN ON THE ACTION, AND WAS SEEN MANY TIMES WITH A GRANDSON IN A HEADLOCK. I THINK IT'S JUST THAT HER COUSINS ARE OLDER, AND TEND TO HIT/WRESTLE MORE THAN THE KIDS HER AGE AND YOUNGER, THAT SHE IS USUALLY AROUND.)
She doesn't hit angrily, or to cause harm, she always does it with a laugh, and I don't think she understands AT ALL that it can hurt. But it DOES hurt me, and I am trying to nip it in the bud before she starts hitting kids her age or younger, and hurts them.
Soooooo long story short. She was hitting the crap out of me today, and I'd warned her that if she did it one more time, she'd be having a time out in her bed.
So she hit me.
Then I carried her up to her bed.
She started crying right away, and by the time I was about 20 feet away from her (standing at the end of my bed, a walk that took about 10 seconds) I heard a horrible crash, and then screaming. I rushed into her room, and sure enough, she has figured out how to climb out of her crib. And she landed face first. There was blood pouring out of her mouth. It was on the carpet, all over her clothes, and then my clothes, all over her hands and arms, all over her face. It was the most horrible feeling I have ever had. I felt like the most evil, horrible mother ever. Even worse than the 40 minutes I was locked out of the house with her inside.
So I will NOT be using her bed as a time out area, nor the pack n' play.
But I'm left with the question of what to do! I need to be able to teach her that there are consequences, especially when she's hitting, but I just don't know how to do it!!!
UGH!
5 comments:
We use the first step of the stairs. It's not confined, but the trick is to put her there for her there for a minute or so and if she gets up just put her back without talking to her about it or making a big deal. Even if you spend the whole minute picking her up and putting her back, eventually she'll get it.
As for the accident, that's all it was an accident. You are not a horrible mother, don't beat yourself up about it.
Alyssa,
I'm not a parent, but I've worked in education and am around my friends kids a lot. You are DEFINITELY NOT A BAD MOM (unless there are things you're leaving out of your blog that I don't know about;)
What I've learned from friends that I consider to be great parents is that the worst thing you can do is internalize your child's behaviors. Every kid can be difficult. Hang in there, it only gets worse (LOL!)
Love, your childless big bro,
Sam
We do exactly what Sara does. First step, no talking,just put her back (sometimes over and over and over). We also did 1 minute per (year) age. Kids are sponges and learn very fast(It's a Blessing AND a curse lol).
And the accident was just that- an accident. Of course you feel bad, you're the Mommy. But she's okay and maybe (probably a big ha) but maybe she won't climb out again!
Big Hugs
i do the same thing but i use one of the dinning room chairs (until we get a navie sized timeout chair). we pull it out to the wall and way from the table. we tell her what she has done wrong and that she has to sit in time out until i get her (sometimes she stands up or gets down, just put them right back). after time out we repeat what she has done wrong and that we don't do that anymore. we make sure she knows we still love her and then get her down. sometimes turning off her favorite movie or show, take away a toy, no snack, ect, will do the trick instead of time out. make sure the punishment matches the crime : ) whatever you do, BE CONSISTENT and always follow through.
Consistency is the key! As hard as it may be, Emma will learn you won't be backing down and she can anticipate what her "punishment" will be.
I like Sara's suggestion of using the stairs as a place to use; it's neutral and she won't associate it with anything else other than a "time out". We use corners in the house. It sounds awful but we put the boys face first in a corner so they can NOT interact with "the outside world" and understand that they are there for a reason. It took some convincing in the beginning and now all we have to say is "time out" and they go and face the wall for their time out. (1 minute per year).
You are an awesome mom. This was just an accident.
HAng in there, we all go through it. You're doing great!
Good luck!
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