Monday, April 23, 2012

This post is for my future grandchildren...

Dear Future Grandchildren,
This was my facebook (does that still exist??) status and ensuing comments from today, regarding how I spent my time with your mother/aunt. Please enjoy, and use it to harrass them as needed.
Love, Grandma.

This morning was nothing but a string of unfortunate events. Both girls were awake entirely too early, which means they were up before daddy left for work. The result is always a tantrum of epic proportions x2. Finally got the girls calmed down, fed, dressed, and we set off for the grocery store followed by a trip to the Curiousity Connection at the State Museum. We got to the museum, I dumped 2 hours worth of quarters into the meter, and headed in. Only the museum is closed on Mondays...

So I had to drag the girls back to the car (in the rain), and they both melted down again because a) we couldn't play at the museum and b) who wants to get buckled in again when you JUST got out. Finally got them in with promises to go to Chocolate World. Headed out when Emma informed me she had to poop. Immediately called Mike, since we were right near his building. He didn't answer, and there was nowhere close to us where I felt safe/comfortable enough to drag the girls out of the car AGAIN, use the bathroom, and then buckle them up again. So, we headed for home after Emma assured me she could hold it that long. Traffic was strangely heavy, and it took 20 minutes to get there. Of course, Emma pooped her pants in the garage. Got her cleaned up (while Izzy was still in the car, raging), then headed out for Chocolate world...

Got to chocolate world, rode the ride once, and headed for a second ride. Except Izzy threw herself on the floor and had a psychotic meltdown, acting like she was terrified of the ride (even though she was fine and happy the first time, and has ridden it at least 20 times in the last 6 months). I finally dragged her off the floor and headed for hot chocolate, when Emma said she needed to potty again. We stopped, found a large stall, Emma went, then I did too. Except as soon as I sat down, Emma opened the door at the exact same moment that Izzy opened the trash bin and reached in. My instinct was to grab them, Izzy first because ew. Got Izzy, but Emma had the door swinging wide open. A nice lady outside (there were lots of them...) tried to shut it for me...
But Emma was blocking her way. I finally grabbed Emma and the lady shut the door and then leaned against it so Emma couldn't open it again. During all of this bouncing, I got pee all over my pants/shoes, because lets be honest I never did my kegels and couldn't stop it midstream, and didn't even think to in the moment, anyway. So I got cleaned up, and we headed home. And of course they melted down because now we weren't having hot chocolate. Decided to stop for nuggets on the way home, because I was about to lose my marbles and the thought of having to make lunch at home made me want to retch. That settled them reasonably enough. Got them home and at the table. Thought they were occupied at the table, so I got everything ready for dinner in the crockpot (since I'm working at 6pm). Except while I was doing that they made an ENORMOUS mess at the table.
After that was all done and cleaned up, I took them upstairs so I could get a shower. That was all fine and good until I was completely covered in soap/shampoo. That's when Emma came in, needing to potty yet again. Except Izzy followed her,... and in the 30 seconds it took me to completely rinse, Izzy managed to unroll and destroy almost an entire roll of toilet paper. I was yelling for them to stop the whole time, and they just looked at me and laughed and unrolled more TP. When i got out, I could tell Izzy had pooped, so I put on my robe and took her downstairs to change her diaper. Except she flipped out, and I got poop all over my leg and my robe (OF COURSE it's immediately after I shower). Then I had to sit on her to do yet another round of eye drops.
I don't think I've ever looked forward to going to work as much as I do right now...

Thursday, April 19, 2012

I'm so stupid

Hey remember that one time a while back when I declared that I would never again post anything on this blog that even remotely hinted at happiness or joy in life, because everytime I did, I jinxed myself and everything went to crap? Yeah, I'm reinstating that. I was dumb enough a couple posts ago to mention how the weather was great, and the kids were so happy, and how Izzy was having a nice break from teething, and the girls were getting along and playing so nicely...
Yeah. About two days later the weather got cold again (not full blown winter cold, but cold enough to need a coat when you go outside), and both kids immediately got colds. I don't know about your kids (if you've got 'em), but mine ARE NOT the type who get sleepy and cuddly when they're sick. They do not sit or lay around watching tv, or reading books, or sleeping. They are up and running, they just happen to also be crying/whining/vomiting, instead of running around happily. So they got sick, and then I got sick, and then later Mike got sick. Then it seemed like the girls were getting better, but JUST KIDDING they weren't. And now, nearly a month later, we're all still sick, and the girls have pink eye now on top of everything else. And as if having a cold wasn't enough to make Izzy mIzzerable, she's got two new teeth popping in, which has brought about another round of "I'm going to cry and scream all day, and cling to you like glue"-itis.
And then there are the cars. Both cars ended up in the shop, and needed RIDICULOUS amounts of money for repairs, in a ten day span. And when I say ridiculous amounts of money, I mean, amounts high enough that we probably won't make the reunion this summer, because it's friggen expensive to fly four people to Minnesota.
And the girls, who were playing so nicely, have begun another round of fighting over EVERYTHING. There are so many toys in this house, and they always want the same one. Although they don't actually want it. They just want the other to NOT have it. And Izzy has these sharp little razor blade fingernails, and she knows how to use them. Sadly, she knows how to whack Emma pretty good too, and Emma gets so upset when she does. And I just keep trying to tell Emma that Izzy wouldn't know how to hit if Emma didn't REPEATEDLY GO AFTER HER AND HIT HER. This does not satisfy Emma. Izzy, whose vocabulary is expanding rapidly, has mastered the phrases, "NO!" and "BACK UP!" and routinely screams them at Emma whenever she approaches, because Emma approaching generally means trouble.
So from this point forward, please note that I will not be happy or excited about anything, ever. Lest the universe see fit to smite me.
On another note - I took the girls to the fabric store this morning, so that Emma could pick out some materials. She is one who insists on being covered while she sleeps, and the blanket she has now is just way too heavy for this warmer weather. We picked up some lightweight fabric, and I did the sewing, and then washed it today while the girls were napping. I broke it out after dinner to show Emma, and she was totally excited about it. Unfortunately, she should have played it cool, because after Izzy saw how excited Emma was, she quickly concluded that this was obviously something she needed to have... there was a lot of arguing tonight...

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Strange Things

Since I started working at the gym, I've seen a lot of strange things. Some are gym related, like the guy who wears these crazy space-looking bouncy shoes made out of hard plastic, or the guys who come in and workout wearing garbage bag-looking sweatsuits. Of course, we also have a swimming pool, which is just behind the front desk on the other side of a glass wall. So I see lots of big, big men wearing teeeeeeeny tiny speedos. And I have to clean the locker rooms at the end of the night, so I've cleaned up lots of weird, wet, bathroom things that I won't mention.

But this lady?? She does some of the strangest things. You can't see very well because I was trying to be discrete taking the picture. But she's lounging in one of our leather lobby chairs, head on one armrest and feet propped up on the other armrest. She's chatting on her cell phone, in a language that's not English, but I don't know what it is. And she wears side ponies almost all the time. And she eats slim jim's by the box. I know this, because she checks in to the gym, then plops down in that chair, opens up her Kmart bag, pulls out the box(es - depending on the night) and empties them right in front of me. And she talks on her phone with her mouth full, so the chair usually needs a wipe down when she leaves. When she's done with her slim jim's, she'll walk back to Kmart (which is next door), buy some magazines, then come back, plop on down in her chair, and read for a while.

I always say hi, and am friendly/chatty with people as they come in, depending on how chatty THEY want to be. Some people barely nod as they hand me their keys, others stick around the desk and talk for a few minutes. I'm not sure how well this woman understands English, but I've heard her speak to someone else at the gym, so I know she knows at least a BIT of English. But she doesn't look at me, speak to me, or really acknowledge me at all when she checks in. She just throws her keys up on my desk, then plops down on her chair and leaves her keys sitting on my desk til she leaves. It's so, so strange. I don't know how often she comes into the gym, because I only work nights twice, MAYBE three times a week, and she's not there every night I work. But I've never actually seen her work out either. I've made it my mission to figure this woman out!!!