Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Sub Heads

Trends Du Jour

Ok, so for those of you who haven't quite caught on yet, we (meaning my sis's, SILs, and other blog-stalking friends) are currently on a blogging bender featuring various Trends Du Jour.

"Excuse me, FLO, what's the Soup Du Jour?"
"It's the soup of the day"
"Mmmm, that sounds good. I'll have that."

Sorry, that just popped into my head and I'm currently lol-ing.

So anyway, we had the numbered post trend, the counting like Bono in your numbered post trend, and now it's the sub head trend. If none of this is making sense to you, you fall into one of two categories.

1. We're not related, or quasi-related.
2. You're not a very dedicated blog-stalker

So if you don't get it, and you'd like to, check out some of the blog links I've provided on the right. Some good ones that will help make sense of this whole thing are, Anna, Chrysta, Deb, and Nicole. If you're a blog-stalker who favors funny, hilarious, random blogs, I've just given you a gold mine. If you are not a blog stalker, and are just among my dedicated readers who, despite my weird-ousity, like to read what I write, I apologize for my recent trendiness. We all know I am anything but trendy.


So, I recently commented to my friend-not-technically-SIL-butmightaswellbemy-SIL Deb, that I was not fond of the itty bitty's that wear spandex-everything-outfits to the gym. My dear sister Chrysta was quick to point out, and rightly so, that I spent about...oh...let's see...ummm...8 years of my life decked out in head-to-toe spandex for the sake of sport. Yeah, I get it. But I would, however, like to point out that I did not get to CHOOSE my uniforms. The good people at Cedar Crest High School and then at Shippensburg University chose them for me. I must admit, spandex are comfortable. To this day, if I'm playing volleyball (unless it's outdoors) I'm playing in spandex shorts, at least. I don't need the spandex top, but that wasn't too bad either. Just this summer when Bird and I worked volleyball camp, I wore spandex every day. However, being 5 months pregnant, I decided to hide my spandexed JTT's under a nice pair of comfy boy shorts. The point that I was trying to make to Deb was this: BUYING spandex, and wearing 100% spandex outfits to a public fitness center is unnecessary and I'll never do it and I don't like people who do. Ok?

The Olympics

So, I loved the Olympics. Didn't you? It left me feeling like I have the next four years to prepare for what? I don't know. Javelin is out of the question since I pretty much destroyed my throwing elbow. Volleyball, too, is out of the question because...well...because I'm not that good (good...yes. Just not THAT good.) So I'm left to ask myself, "Self, what if you had taken up on that offer you got from the coach of the National Handball Team?" That's right. A little known fact, I was asked to try out for the National Handball Team right after I graduated from college. Weird, considering I've never played it, and still am not even sure HOW it's played. My college vb coach (who was a DI All-American vb player at Penn State) has athletic connections galore, and she knew the handball coach. He was apparently asking her if she knew any solid, well-rounded, overall athletic people, and out of EVERYONE she knew, she gave him MY NUMBER. Weird. I didn't think twice about it at the time, but as I watched the Olympics and saw "Handball" on the schedule, I couldn't help but think...could that have been me??


Ok, so all this talk of spandex has me in a sporty and reminiscent here's some more. One of my co-workers yesterday was asking me what kind of weightlifting I'd done in college as part of my athletic training. She's trying to establish her own workout regimen, and knew that I was in sports, so she hit me up for some tips. My favorite workout? The German Circuit. They should really call it the Nazi-German Circuit. Fo' shizzle. It goes like this...

Set up a circuit of power lifts, plyos, abs and other extras. Some of the power lifts: Hang Cleans, Squats, Push Press, Snatch, Dead Lift, Bench Press, Incline Press, Decline Press. Some plyos: Box Jumps, hurdle hops, lateral hops. Some abs: regular crunches, back hypers, flying eagles, roman chair. Some extras: Pull ups, push ups, lunges.

So, for any given circuit, coach would set up 12-13 of these exercises for us to do. One person would start at every station. Coach blows whistle. You start doing reps (at 75% of your max) and keep doing them for 30 seconds. Coach blows whistle to stop. You have 20 seconds to move to the next station. Coach blows whistle, do as many reps as you can in 30 seconds. Blows whistle to stop, and so on and so forth, continuously until you've done each station. Then you have two minutes to get a drink, go to the bathroom, or know, whatever you need to do. Then you repeat the circuit. Twice.

Boo-Yah. It was sick, and I loved it. I only ever threw up once, and that was my freshmen year.

I'm going to keep bragging about my athletic feats, because I am currently feeling huge and bloated and gross, and remembering them makes me feel less disgusting...

My senior year in college, I weighed 135 lbs and could bench press 125 lbs, squat 210 lbs, and Power clean 115 lbs. I don't remember any of my other maxes. But I was a beast. They called me Quadzilla. And yes, I looked good in my spandex. Moving on...


Nicole recently stated, and I quote:


I agree with everything you have ever said. Ever. You are a genius. And skinny. But tough."

Nicole, I'd like for you to meet my husband. And brainwash him. If that phrase had come out of his mouth, it would have sounded like this:


I disagree with everything you have ever said. Ever. Because it's funny to me. You are a genius. But not as genius as me. And skinny. Skinnier than me. But not tough. Wuss."

Obviously, he'd say it very lovingly, but the point is, the man likes to argue with me for the sake of arguing, usually over the stupidest things. He thinks it's funny to watch me get agitated by his asinine comments.

And for the record, I don't want to beat you up, Nicole. I was just saying that if I was in a fight, I'd kick trash. Actually, that's not true. I'm totally passive aggressive. And non-confrontational. I'd be the one to walk away, or let myself get pounded on. It's true...ask Bird. Growing up she used to beat the crap out of me. Not because she was stronger than me, but because I was so passive I wouldn't fight back more than enough to get out of her freakishly vice-like grip. No wonder she's a good masseuse. Anywhoo...many a time bird would just pound on me, or have me in a full-nelson and I'd just take it because I knew if I fought back she'd cry and mom would yell at me. I'd rather take a pounding from my lil sis than get yelled at by mom, or worse... DAD. There was only one time when I really retaliated, and I know for a fact that Bird remembers it well. I socked her in the stomach so hard she almost threw up. I remember Scott was babysitting, and she went crying to him. So I explained what she'd done to deserve it. And he was cool with it:)

It sounds weird to talk about how my lil sis and I used to fight. Isn't that something brothers do? I would just like to explain for those who might not know as much about the Kilgore clan as others, that I grew up with 4 older brothers who had a very strong influence on me. Was a tomboy? No. I was THE tomboy. But I digress...

Nicole, thanks for boosting my self-esteem. I hope I haven't written anything thus far to break my streak of saying only things that you agree with.

Side Pony Tails

So. I work with some 50+ year old lady who wears a side pony tail to work every day. Every day. I'm not kidding. Every day. ???

Freezing Cold Hands

I do not enjoy being touched by freezing cold hands. Yet, when my sister Bird stopped over last night, she delighted in touching me with them. She'd driven to my house last night (45 minute drive) with the windows down, thus leaving her hands morgue-cold. So. She came in and touched me on the belly, saying hello to Bean. And then decided to reach under my shirt (I wasn't wear my garment top, because I'd JUST gotten home from the gym, so it was just a t-shirt...darnit) and grab my belly with both hands. They were so cold that I literally jumped and almost fell backwards, and spit all over bird and the coffee table in the process. Not cool. You jerk.


Ah, dear PHS. I keep in touch with some former colleagues, and several former students, so I know what the dizzle at the palmizzle izzle. And here it is. There have been 3 fights so far this year! I think the kids are just acting out, because they want me to come back and LEGEND-ize them. Not gonna happen.

Made up words

I think if you've been reading this blog long enough, you probably realize that I like to make up words. It's just fun. I think this started when I spent the summer with 3-year old Taylor. She was fuuuuuuuuunny. That was the summer of everything being "loopy". And also the summer of me making her stand on her head, so she couldn't get away from me while I put sunblock on her. Mwuah ha ha. It was also the summer that I broke Sara and Jerry's lamp, and that Taylor immediately told on me when Sara walked in the door. "Aunt Lyssa broke the lamp." Thanks, ya little Narc! (I know you're reading this...jerkwadfacebutt!)

Adolescent Come backs

When I was younger I had some trouble expressing myself. So, I developed a few quick little retorts that worked well most of the time. They were:



"I'll kill you"

Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice. I especially liked to use the second one on my brother Sam, who used to tell me I was really fat. Ah, brothers. Not as bad as my sis's friend Jamie Aerhart. I used to hide under the bed when she came over.

I'm not entirely dysfunctional

Perhaps some of you might be getting the impression that my childhood and family life were dysfunctional. Not at was awesome growing up in my house. And by the time I got to high school, mom and dad were totally chill. Awwwwww yeah.

Goodbye, Subheads

This is the end of my subheads. It's been a good ride, SH. I'll never forget you!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

1. I am 30 weeks pregnant. Wahoo!

2. I've recently discovered peppermint patty klondike bars, and they rock. They so, totally rock.

3. My contribution to the political discussion of late: During the primaries I had the following discussion with my 9th grade students:

Me: So, what happened to Eight Belles is a little bit ironic. Hilary Clinton compared herself to Eight Belles, saying she may be an underdog, but she's a fighter, etc. etc. And now Eight Belles had to be put down, just as Hilary lost some very key primaries...
random kid I didn't know was paying attention: Yeah. Isn't it also ironic that Big Brown won?
Me: Yes. Yes it is.

4. I've recently discovered that pants, and the wearing of them, are overrated. Highly overrated. Also, I've discovered that XXL t-shirts are comfortable. Highly comfortable.

5. There are groundhogs who live under my deck. We tried to poison them. It didn't work. My husband is currently contemplating whether anyone would report him if he broke out his .22 to "take care of the problem". I think they're kind of cute. But not as cute as Arnold.

6. Listing things with numbers appears to be the new trend. As you can see, I'm trendy.

7. I've encountered some more funny names at work. George Michael. Issel Immel. Sunshine O'Callahan. And many, many more that I can't remember right now. I will have to start writing them down.

8. I've become obsessed with my favorite movie quotes since Sara posted that blog... some that continuously run through my head:
"T-t-t-today, Jr.!"
"If peeing your pants is cool, you can call me Miles Davis!"
"Ow man, that really hurt! I mean honestly, who throws a shoe!?"
"Your mom goes to college!"
"Do you think anyone wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearing these bad boys?"
"There's no crying in baseball!"
"Excuse me! You are BITING my BUTT!"
"The greater good? I am the GREATEST good you will EVER have!" (they way Chrysta says it)
"Oh my gosh! Nemo's schwimming out to schea!"
"Just keep swimming, just swimming..."
"INCONCEIVABLE!" "I don't think that word means what you think it means."
"Again, something that could have been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!"
"Every party has a pooper, that's why we invited you, George Banks!"
"It is une 'amboooogarrrrrrre" (the way Taylor says it).

9. I went to State College this weekend with Mike, Rick, and Bird, and out of all the stuff we did, this is the only picture I took.

It's the very aggressive squirrel, who was eating the piece of pita I threw at it. My bad.

10. Bird and I watched PSU Women's volleyball whoop up on a bunch of teams, while Mike and his dad went to the football game.

11. Bird and I made lots of random threats to the Oregon State fans we saw on campus and in Rec Hall. Those Dam Beavers.

12. I'm good at speedwalking. I can really get my hips going. And my arms just pump like the wind.

13. I iron my jeans.

14. I heard that Sarah Palin hunted down a moose and killed it. How would she like it if a moose hunted her down at her house and killed her with it's big antlers? I don't think she'd like it very much at all.

15. I am slightly obsessive compulsive when it comes to doing dishes and sweeping. It must be done.

16. I refuse to walk into the kitchen in my barefeet, because Mike and his dad pounce on every opportunity (or opportune nortey) to make the "barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen" joke. Mike gets a beating when he adds, "now make me a pie".

17. I've recently started blog-stalking Nicole, after hearing Bird talk about how hilarious she is. Amen, sista-friend-sista.

18. Deb will always be a hero of mine. Not in small-part because she can walk for hours and hours on end with nothing but an ipod and vocal chords to entertain her. That lasts me about 20 minutes, then I get so bored I could cry.

19. Chrysta finally removed the blog post with her workout tape question, like a week after she said it would self-destruct.

20. I miss teaching, sometimes.

21. I miss my Palmyra friends, but they tell me that some of my former students have agreed to babysit for me if I pay them in hot chocolate. Booyah. Muggy Monday makes a comeback!

22. I've come to understand the meaning of "stress incontinence". Not cool. Not cool at all. I fear the sneeze.

23. I've been reading about what will happen to my body after the baby is born. WHAT THE HECK?!?!?!

24. Mom and Dad are heading up Maine way, soon. I hope Sarah Palin doesn't accidentally shoot them while she's looking for Meese.

25. I'm done with this list, now.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Hey Arnold!

So, I'd like to introduce you to the newest member of our family, Arnold.

Mike and I spent our Labor Day doing some much needed yard work around the house. We've been putting it off, because we anticipated having our next project done (more detail below) in June, and thought it kind of pointless to do much work before then. So the flower beds in our yard have just become incredibly unruly. Because of the pending project, it was time to finally clear out some of the growth. So, I started hacking out these terrible, horrible overgrown bushes that filled in the area to the left of our front stairs. After I was about half way through, I spotted this cute little Praying Mantis, hanging out on the stairs. So I said, "Hey, Mr. Praying Mantis!" And it looked at me. And stared me down. I thought it was just so cute, so I called Mike over to take a look. He thought Mr. Praying Mantis was equally cute. So I went and grabbed my camera and hoped he'd still be there when I got back. And he was! Perfect photo op! I snapped away...

After a few minutes of standing perfectly still, Mr. Praying Mantis began to make his way to the bushes I hadn't yet cut down. That's when I realized that I'd probably just killed off Mr. Praying Mantis' habitat, and I felt guilty. BUT - I didn't want Mr. Praying Mantis to go make a home in the bushes I was about to cut down, and then get evicted again. So at this point, several thoughts ran through my head. 1) I very quickly started hacking away at the remaining bushes, so that Mr. Praying Mantis would get the picture that this was not a safe destination for him. 2) I thought that calling him Mr. Praying Mantis was kind of formal, so I named him Arnold. Now we're on a first name basis. 3) I realized that in all likelihood, Arnold was probably a girl. 4) I decided that henceforth for all intents and purposes relating to Praying Mantii (??), Arnold shall be considered a unisex name, therefore preventing any personal offense to my new friend.

So, after I started hacking at the remaining bush, Arnold got the point and stopped dead in its little tracks. I just didn't know what to do! So, I consulted Mike, and in his great love for nature, he broke off a little branch from the trees he was trimming, coaxed little Arnold onto the branch, and then relocated our little friend to another tree/bushy area in the front yard that will NOT be hacked down in the near future. I've checked back several times today, and Arnold is still there, so hopefully Arnold will stick around for a while and be our new friend! How cute.

Now for the project...our front stairs are horrendous. Horrible. Awful. Grotesque. And worst of all, dangerous. They are cracked, crookedy, and crumbling. And the front step into our house is so large, and lopsided, that both my mom and Mike's mom both at times need help getting into the house. And the stairs are SO bad, that my 80 year old grandma, when she was here, opted to walk through the garage and up an entire flight of stairs in the basement, than go up those scary front steps, and try to manage that HUGE step in the front. Not good at all.

It was on our list of things to do before we even BOUGHT the house, but for those of you who know me, you know that most of our plans for the house were put off due to the immediate need to completely re-side the house that we discovered weeks after moving in. But we've realized that with winter coming and Bean on the way, we just NEED to get the stairs fixed, mostly for safety reasons. But it's a bonus that it will just make things oh so much prettier, as well. Once they're done digging everything out and putting all the new stuff in, we'll finally tackle the flower beds in the front and side of the house (likely next spring, since it's late in the season as it is). So we're hoping that by early next year the landscaping part of our curb appeal will match the curb appeal of the new siding job. Here are some before pictures, and I will post some after pictures when...well when it's after.