Saturday, April 19, 2008


So. My car decided to die at the gas station today. I had driven down to Palmyra this morning for a girls Lacrosse game (I keep time/score). The drive down was fine. My intention was to then drive to Shippensburg and meet Mike at his track meet for the second half of the day. Well...I got the car started and on the road just fine! I decided to stop off at Sam's Club to get gas on the way, since it's so much cheaper ($3.32/gal) and pulled right in. Filled up. Got back in my car. And nothing.

So, I asked the lady next to me if she can give me a jump. She agrees. As I'm getting my jumper cables out, the station attendant comes over to inform us that jumping a car in a gas station is illegal. So, we try to push the car away from the station. Except my car WILL NOT go out of park. I try...the attendant tries...the lady next to me tries...the thing is in park and it's not moving. So he says HE'LL do the jumping. In the meantime, so other nice gentlemen moves his car so that it's facing mine and pops his hood so we can jump it. Except, his new car has one of those batteries where only the positive is showing. So Eddie (the attendant) tries to hook the cars up, but can't get a good connection on the other guys negative, and my car still won't start.

Bah. So, I have to leave my car, and walk up to the Tire and Lube part of Sam's club, where they have a batter power pack for jumping cars. And wouldn't you know, presto-changeo, we get the car running!! Thank goodness I was near that Tire & Lube!! And thanks to all the nice people who were trying to help me!!

But then I had to drive home, instead of ship. And I barely made it. I was heading over the bridge to get onto derry street when my digital odometer went out, my gages all dropped down to zero, and the car started making a funny buzzing noise. I was praying so hard I would not get stuck on that bridge!!! And I didn't, thank goodness!! It did give me quite a panic, though! I hadn't turned anything on, no AC, no radio, no nothing, and the battery was still struggling! I couldn't even get the power windows to go down, so it was like a sauna in my car (it's 83 out, right now). So, my lights kept flickering and my gages kept dropping down to zero and the car kept buzzing, but I made it home. Phew!

And once I got into the garage and turned the car off, I thought I'd just try to start it, for kicks, and see how dead my battery was! Not a peep came out of that engine! So, once Mike gets home we'll go out and get me a new battery! It's original to the car, so it's almost 6 years old. I knew I'd have to replace it eventually, but I JUST had the car in the shop a few weeks ago for emissions and inspections, as well as a tune-up and oil change, so it's frustrating when the timing works out like it does!!

And now, I'm stuck at home for the rest of the day until Mike gets back. And that may be a while, since he had to ride on the bus this morning, and the meet is running way behind. Grrrr. I guess the house will just be REALLY CLEAN when he gets home! Ha! Or maybe, I'll just take a nap:)

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The Elderly

Can I tell you that I really, really, really dislike The Elderly? I know, you're thinking, "what a callous, mean-spirited, spiteful, horrible thing to say about the adorable, wrinkly blue-haired contingent of our nation!" But seriously folks, let's get a grip on reality. I decided that I needed to be able to rationalize my dislike, so I came up with a list reasons that it's ok to dislike The Elderly. I know, I know...I'LL be The Elderly someday. But you know what? I don't think I'll like myself!

10. The Smell. You all know what I'm talking about. There's just that smell. Moth balls and Ben-Gay do not make a good combination.

9. The Gym Encounters. Some of you have already heard about my dealings with The Elderly at the gym. It's not pretty. I swear I almost got into a fist fight with one of them. I probably could have won it, too, but got scared and ran out. Who do they think they are, just hanging their towels on crap, and then thinking they "own" the place!!

8. The Grocery Store Encounters. I've noticed that The Elderly almost always shop together as couples. As cute as this may seem, it's terribly inconvenient and annoying, especially on a Saturday afternoon, or a busy weeknight. They just shuffle down the aisles, slower than those turtles from the Comcast commercials. And we all know they can't drive (see #1) so shopping carts are no exception. They always seem to park the cart right at the end of the aisle, sideways, so you can't get around them. And because they can't see, they spend 20 minutes reading the labels on canned goods and boxes, which means they aren't leaving their parking spot for a good long while. Thus the need to either do the mid-aisle U-Turn (a feat in and of itself) or what I call "The Squeeze". Then there's the checkout line. I think the technology of the registers confuse them, or something. And of course, they only write checks. Which takes, gee...I don't know...A YEAR?!?! OR they have to use exact change, which takes an equally annoying amount of time...have you heard of a debit card?

7.The Swimming Pool Encounters. Actually, it's not so much the pool, as the locker room. That's all I'm going to say.

6.The Post Office Encounters. They never know WHERE they want to mail things. Or HOW they want to mail things. Or WHY they want to mail things. I really think they just like waiting in line, and then chatting up the desk clerk for a half hour so they can have someone to talk to.

5.The Bank Encounters. Seriously, how hard is it to deposit a social security check? And WHY, oh WHY do The Elderly have so much change they need counted? And WHY, oh WHY do they wait until it's over $3,562.72 to bring it in?? I mean, when you need a wheelbarrow to bring in your change, have you waited too long? Or do you just REALLY, REALLY, REALLY like holding up a lunch-break line?? Huh?

4.The Hearing Aids. I know it's kind of ridiculous, but I hate that loud, high-pitched squeal a hearing aid makes. It makes my hair stand on end.

3.The Phlegm.

2.The Insults. For some reason I'm around The Elderly more than you would think, for someone who teaches high school. But for whatever reason, The Elderly that I see on a regular basis are really good at indirectly insulting me. Like, "Oh you used to be prettier" or "You used to be skinnier", or "Your skin used to be so nice" or "You used to be such a nice girl". Sooooo apparently now I'm an ugly, fat, bad-skinned bad girl. Hmmmmm.

1. The Driving. Take today, for example. Traffic was bad enough as I sat through road construction on 322 through Hershey. But things went from bad to worse as I was cut off by what appeared to be a 1987 Lincoln Town Car that was making a left hand turn from a "right turn only" lane. And this lady (who, by the way, was barely visible above the dash...) with a blue bee-hive hairdo was COMPLETELY unaware that there were cars in the way. The car in front of me had to speed up to avoid having its rear end taken out, and I had to slam on the brakes to avoid having my front end taken out. And then in my fit of road rage (I swear, Bird, it's getting better!) I called her a douchebag. A DOUCHEBAG. And then I felt like complete crap for being so mean as to actually call somebody that. Where did that even come from??? So not only did this Elderly person nearly cause a catastrophic collision, she caused me to lash out in anger, and then feel hours (well, more like minutes) of regret and shame.

Soooo that's my list. Of course I love my grandparents, and they're Elderly. So there are exceptions to every rule. But for seriously, I'm guessing that ALL of you (yeah, the 2 people who read my blog! Ha!) can relate to at least ONE of my issues with The Elderly. So don't judge me, please!!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

4 am

So. It's 4 am. And I'm awake. And I've BEEN awake since about 1:45 am, when my wicked sore throat made me gag myself in my sleep. I lumbered out of bed, sprayed some more nasty Chloraseptic down my throat, tried not to throw up for the 15 seconds I had to let it just sit in there, rinsed my mouth out, and went back to bed. But not for real. Because I couldn't fall asleep. Instead, I sat there thinking about how creepy it is to be awake in the middle of the night with the hubby snoring *quite loudly* next to me, and listening to all the strange noises my house makes at night, when we aren't drowning it out with all our activities. And do you know what thought pops into my head? "Man, someone could so easily just break into our house and chop my head off with an axe in the middle of the night". You know, those WORDS weren't actually scanning through my brain, but rather, the IMAGE was scanning through my brain. In it, this supposed villain popped out from under the bed with an axe and decapitated me with one fell swoop. What the heck is my problem? Why I can't I think of kittens or ponies, or how Deb backwards spells Bed? That seems like such a much more pleasant kind of stream of thought. But no, axe murderers for me. And then the image of Mike trying to fight off the axe murderer streams through my mind. In case you're wondering, he put up a valiant fight, but even though he's huge and buff, he's no match for a maniac with an axe. So we both died. And then I wondered who would find us. Turns out it was his parents, because they have a key to the house, and call pretty regularly. So they started to worry.

And so I'm up and out of bed at 4 am, because let's face it, if there's an axe murderer under my bed, why exactly am I just LAYING there, waiting to be decapitated? Doesn't exactly make much sense. My night of sleep is pretty much ruined at this point, so there's no point in trying. BUT - I'm not going to work today, so that's a plus. I realized at about 3:30 that I would be useless at work, and I am getting sicker by the day (with another sinus infection, I think. Feels like it did last time...) and with no sleep, I figured there's just no point. In case you're wondering, there's 41.5 days of school left after today. Huzzah!