Sunday, July 26, 2009


Ok, peeps. Thanks for all the support after my last post. I will say that it was REALLY late when I heard all the trash that was being put out there, and it was EVEN LATER when I decided to blog my rage. So, yeah I know it was a wee bit dramatic. I haven't physically slapped anyone in the face, but I verbally slapped some people in the face, and that felt pretty darn good. It actually felt GREAT to finally get over my passive aggressive nature and just speak my mind, and stand up for myself and my family! It needed to happen. But really, I just wanted to say thanks to all you blog followers and blog stalkers out there who voiced your support, even though some of you don't normally comment. It was way more cathartic than I thought it'd be. So, thanks:) Love you, my peeps! Here is the video I promised. I find it really hilarious, because it really shows Emma the nut.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Shut Up

Some things I'd like people to shut up about:

1. Emma does not look like a boy. If you ask me what "his" name is one more time, I will literally, physically, slap you in the face.

2. Emma is not a bad baby. She is a baby. And sometimes she is cranky, or not feeling good. And sometimes, it doesn't matter what I do, I just can't make it better. I apologize if this interferes with things you'd like to dump on me, and make me do (instead of doing it yourself, like you should) but please don't ever, EVER say nasty things about my 8 month old child. Or I will literally, physically, slap you in the face.

3. Mike is not a bad husband. Yes, he is at times away from home more than I'd like. But that's because he is a giving person. He has given the last 7 years to CD Track and Field, coaching up to 35 high school boys and girls in a given season for what basically equates to 20 cents an hour. He's spent the last 3 years working with the Young Men's program at our church, because he wants to be a good example to them. He's also been involved in the scouting program, because he wants to give back to the program that did so much for him when he was younger. It's what Eagle Scouts do. He works a ridiculous number of hours because he is committed to his job, the job that supports our family so that I can be a stay at home mom. So don't you ever, EVER say nasty things about my husband again. Or I will literally, physically, slap you in the face.

4. I am not lazy. I am not uneducated. I am not a mooch. I am a stay at home mom. Since when has that been the lazy thing to do? And since when did becoming a SAHM mean that my college education, and my current pursuit of a masters degree counted for nothing? I'm not an idiot. Sure, I make up words and say silly things. But that's on purpose because that's who I am. So don't you ever, EVER say nasty things about me again. Or I will literally, physically, slap you in the face.

*Sorry for the vent. Can you tell I'm grumpy? After Emma's horrible week last week, she's been amazingly wonderful and happy and just perfect this week. So I've just been delighted all week, and then BOOM. I find out that some of my "friends" have felt the need to discuss details of my life and people that I love, behind my back, and have judged me rather harshly, as you can tell. It makes me very, very angry. And this mess has left me enraged. I know some of you are reading this, and I will probably regret this post in the morning. But right now I'm too hurt to care how you will respond.
**Can you tell I'm very passive aggressive? This post is the aggressive part. The passive part is where I lose the nerve to confront you face to face, because I hate confrontation. I have a history of just bottling these things up, and letting them eat at me. Ugh. So grumpy right now.
***But seriously, I will be literally, physically, slapping people in the face if it comes to that.

PS. Emma is just amazing. Video to come later (sorry no pic for this post, Lauren!! The video will be worth the wait!!)

Thursday, July 16, 2009

By way of explanation...

So, I have a new(ish) friend. And she is really new to my blog. And when I blogged about my Shark Steam Mop, she asked me...

"Why does the United Methodist Church have any opinions on steam mops? And aren't you Mormon anyway??"

And then I proceeded to laugh my bum off (I wish this were actually possible). To answer that question for anyone else out there who blog stalks me and didn't get the references to the UMC, let me 'splain something to youz.

UMC=Ugly Mom's Club. Not United Methodist Church. I have nothing against Methodists, but I also don't claim to speak for them (and I'm sure they are glad for that!).

If you still don't really get UMC, click on the cute little Ugly Mom's Club button on the right, and you'll see what it is.

Because We're Here. We're Ugly. So Get Used To It.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009


Even in times of sadness, I find great joy in knowing that I wake up to this face every day. And my life is truly blessed.

(she loves all electronics, including the camera. Every time she hears the little beeps when I turn it on, she hunts me down, tackles me, and climbs all over me til she gets it. And that's what was happening in this last picture. Anybody remember the pictures from when she hated the camera???)

Saturday, July 4, 2009


I guess it's been a while since I had a substantial post. I'm just feeling so "meh" lately... no witty thoughts, or funny things that have happened to me lately. So, I will just discuss a few things and then leave you all with some pics of Emma, since I know that's why you're checking my blog, anyway.

So. I got a Shark Steam Mop.

I went to Target with a few items on my list, one of which was a regular old mop. As I was cruising down the aisles, I came across the carpet cleaners and steam mops. Hmmmm, says I. The Shark was reasonably priced, and so I just went for it! I have a lot of linoleum in my house, and it's a hassle to work it over with a mop and bucket. So I thought this would be the perfect solution!'s amazing. It works so freakin' well. Just cleaned up all the muck and disgustery that had accumulated on my floors. And this was so very, very important to me as Emma is now crawling all over the house like she's been doing it for years.

Now, there's an issue I'd like to discuss briefly before I move on. The fact that I purchased a Shark Steam Mop may be considered, to some, Bissellphemy. I know that the floor cleaner of choice for members of the UMC is the Bissell Steam Mop, and that I knowingly bought a Shark, which is not in accordance with my membership in the UMC. However. I would like to note that

a) the Target at which I was shopping DID NOT have any Bissell's, except for the carpet cleaners

b) This was an unplanned purchase, so I didn't think to shop around or check at other stores for a Steam Mop

c) It was about 9:30 pm, and I had already spent about 5 hours cleaning my house from top to bottom that day, and the prospect of having ANY fun gadget to help me mop my floors faster was far too tempting for me to pass up

d) The Shark Steam Mop was a great deal, and cost me far less than what it is advertised for on TV

So, that said, I hope the members of the UMC will not judge me too harshly for my actions. Remember, judge not lest ye be judged. There were MANY times that I could have called out other UMC-ers for brushing their hair or teeth before going to the store, or wearing their pants right side out, or wearing trendy, fashionable clothing that was purchased in a decade that was NOT the 80's...but, in my humble graciousness, I did not call those offenders out. So please, PLEASE spare me the wrath of the Bissellites, and allow me to remain a member in good standing of the UMC. If needed, I can provide a list of my qualifications for the club. It is long and varied. That's all I have to say about that.

Moving on. Here are some pictures of Emma for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy