I'm so stupid

Hey remember that one time a while back when I declared that I would never again post anything on this blog that even remotely hinted at happiness or joy in life, because everytime I did, I jinxed myself and everything went to crap? Yeah, I'm reinstating that. I was dumb enough a couple posts ago to mention how the weather was great, and the kids were so happy, and how Izzy was having a nice break from teething, and the girls were getting along and playing so nicely...

Yeah. About two days later the weather got cold again (not full blown winter cold, but cold enough to need a coat when you go outside), and both kids immediately got colds. I don't know about your kids (if you've got 'em), but mine ARE NOT the type who get sleepy and cuddly when they're sick. They do not sit or lay around watching tv, or reading books, or sleeping. They are up and running, they just happen to also be crying/whining/vomiting, instead of running around happily. So they got sick, and then I got sick, and then later Mike got sick. Then it seemed like the girls were getting better, but JUST KIDDING they weren't. And now, nearly a month later, we're all still sick, and the girls have pink eye now on top of everything else. And as if having a cold wasn't enough to make Izzy mIzzerable, she's got two new teeth popping in, which has brought about another round of "I'm going to cry and scream all day, and cling to you like glue"-itis.

And then there are the cars. Both cars ended up in the shop, and needed RIDICULOUS amounts of money for repairs, in a ten day span. And when I say ridiculous amounts of money, I mean, amounts high enough that we probably won't make the reunion this summer, because it's friggen expensive to fly four people to Minnesota.

And the girls, who were playing so nicely, have begun another round of fighting over EVERYTHING. There are so many toys in this house, and they always want the same one. Although they don't actually want it. They just want the other to NOT have it. And Izzy has these sharp little razor blade fingernails, and she knows how to use them. Sadly, she knows how to whack Emma pretty good too, and Emma gets so upset when she does. And I just keep trying to tell Emma that Izzy wouldn't know how to hit if Emma didn't REPEATEDLY GO AFTER HER AND HIT HER. This does not satisfy Emma. Izzy, whose vocabulary is expanding rapidly, has mastered the phrases, "NO!" and "BACK UP!" and routinely screams them at Emma whenever she approaches, because Emma approaching generally means trouble.

So from this point forward, please note that I will not be happy or excited about anything, ever. Lest the universe see fit to smite me.

On another note - I took the girls to the fabric store this morning, so that Emma could pick out some materials. She is one who insists on being covered while she sleeps, and the blanket she has now is just way too heavy for this warmer weather. We picked up some lightweight fabric, and I did the sewing, and then washed it today while the girls were napping. I broke it out after dinner to show Emma, and she was totally excited about it. Unfortunately, she should have played it cool, because after Izzy saw how excited Emma was, she quickly concluded that this was obviously something she needed to have... there was a lot of arguing tonight...

Strange Things

Since I started working at the gym, I've seen a lot of strange things. Some are gym related, like the guy who wears these crazy space-looking bouncy shoes made out of hard plastic, or the guys who come in and workout wearing garbage bag-looking sweatsuits. Of course, we also have a swimming pool, which is just behind the front desk on the other side of a glass wall. So I see lots of big, big men wearing teeeeeeeny tiny speedos. And I have to clean the locker rooms at the end of the night, so I've cleaned up lots of weird, wet, bathroom things that I won't mention.


But this lady?? She does some of the strangest things. You can't see very well because I was trying to be discrete taking the picture. But she's lounging in one of our leather lobby chairs, head on one armrest and feet propped up on the other armrest. She's chatting on her cell phone, in a language that's not English, but I don't know what it is. And she wears side ponies almost all the time. And she eats slim jim's by the box. I know this, because she checks in to the gym, then plops down in that chair, opens up her Kmart bag, pulls out the box(es - depending on the night) and empties them right in front of me. And she talks on her phone with her mouth full, so the chair usually needs a wipe down when she leaves. When she's done with her slim jim's, she'll walk back to Kmart (which is next door), buy some magazines, then come back, plop on down in her chair, and read for a while.

I always say hi, and am friendly/chatty with people as they come in, depending on how chatty THEY want to be. Some people barely nod as they hand me their keys, others stick around the desk and talk for a few minutes. I'm not sure how well this woman understands English, but I've heard her speak to someone else at the gym, so I know she knows at least a BIT of English. But she doesn't look at me, speak to me, or really acknowledge me at all when she checks in. She just throws her keys up on my desk, then plops down on her chair and leaves her keys sitting on my desk til she leaves. It's so, so strange. I don't know how often she comes into the gym, because I only work nights twice, MAYBE three times a week, and she's not there every night I work. But I've never actually seen her work out either. I've made it my mission to figure this woman out!!!

Sisters

Emma and Izzy. They are living proof that everything is better with a sister.

For instance, sitting around wearing boots is much funnier with a sister.

And it's more effective when there are TWO of you to attack Grandma.
Even going to the bathroom is a delight when you've got your sister (and froggy and perry the Platypus).

It sure is nice to relax in a pile of pillows. But having a sister/ottoman? Now THAT is relaxation. (Pants are also optional)

I think they're texting each other. And I'm pretty sure this is a vision of our future.

When your little sister falls asleep in the car, and by some miracle DOES NOT wake up upon extraction, and mom lays her down on the floor thinking she'll immediately wake up, but again by another miracle, she is still sleeping... well then that's a good time to have a nice fake nap with her! And then 30 seconds later it's totally cool to starting making loud dinosaur noises, and your awesome little sister will wake up smiling, saving you from what was sure to be a very long time out.

And, heaven help mom if she disappears to the bathroom by herself for five minutes. Because sisters are the best at emptying the contents of the pantry all over the living room, kitchen and dining room.

Go ahead and tell me this isn't the cutest thing ever. And then I will PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE.

Lighting isn't good, but do you see the pig tails??

So, to sum up, these sisters are awesome. I spend many days trying not to rip my hair out, but there are also many many many days that I'm just rolling on the floor laughing my butt off. By 40 I fully expect to be bald and buttless.

And, we're back!

Sort of? Maybe? I hate blogging again after such a long break. I feel like I can't just jump into a post, I have to do an update on months worth of activities and goings on. And it's daunting to try and remember it all. Here we go...

Since my last post, my neck has healed and I've got a nice scar, that should fade away to just a small line in another six months or so. I'm feeling much better health wise, and have recently made big changes to my diet, and have started exercising regularly again. I've also got a job at LA Fitness, working front desk and kids club. The perk (in addition to the paycheck) is a free membership to the gym, free access to the kids club, and there's a trainer there who firmly believes that all gym staff should be working out. So he's training me for FREE. Just started working with him last week, and I'm hoping that his knowledge will help me focus my workouts on weight loss. So I'm pretty jazzed right now.

Also, Izzy turned 1, then Emma turned 3. Both festivities were a blast and the girls enjoyed the spoils of the day. Then we had Thanksgiving, and then Christmas, and then New Years and Valentines. So much family, so much fun. All winter we've had mild weather, and in the last two weeks we've had temps near record highs. Which has been AMAZING! My little Izz-bot has had a rough go of teething for the last several months, which caused her to be clingy and miserable. Unfortunately this meant that Emma had to deal with it, too, and often got frustrated and upset with how much time I had to spend holding/calming Izzy down. The cabin fever just added to the misery. But now...this weather has us all shouting hallelujah's! It is glorious to be outside every waking moment. The perfect temps, not too cold, not too hot. Just playing all day. Park hopping all week. The zoo, chocolate world (inside, but still...) picnics, ice cream... perfect, perfect, perfect.

So, let's call that an update, and see if I can keep up this time. Oh, and to my blogrollers, I've been reading, so keep on writing!!

breathing again

So, I used to be a big fan of the sitcom Home Improvement when it was on prime time. There was this one episode where Randy Taylor went in for a visit to the doctor, and suddenly came home with a problem. It was either a goiter, hypothyroidism, or cancer. And boy oh boy, Jill and Tim were prayin' for a goiter. Randy overheard his parents worried whispers, and took off to the arcade to distract himself from the stress.

Well, call me Randy. And I just got home from an 8-month stay at the arcade.

So. 8 months ago I was at the doctors office for a regular check up. Dr. thought my thyroid felt large. Told me it was probably nothing, but she was going to send me for an ultrasound, anyway. Had the ultrasound, and the techs said hey we think there's something there, but its probably nothing. We'll do that again later, anyway, just in case. And then they saw the 3 cm nodule sitting nicely behind my thyroid, and said hey nodules are really common. It's probably nothing but we'll send you to an endocrinologist, anyway. And then the endocrinologist says, 3 cm is about 3x the size of "normal" nodules. It's probably nothing, but we'll do a biopsy anyway. And then the biopsy comes back with atypical cells. And the endocrinologist says, its probably nothing, maybe an error, but we'll do another biopsy anyway. And then the second biopsy comes back the same, and so does the core sample. And the endocrinologist says, hey there's this type of cancer that will cause these biopsy results, because you need to see the WHOLE thing to actually see the cancer. It's probably nothing, but we'll take out half your thyroid, and that growth that's attached to it, anyway.

And after hearing all of this, you really start to think that when it's probably nothing, it's probably something. And you don't know what. And you don't know why. And you don't know if you should be worried, but all of a sudden seemingly small numbers like 15% and 20% (the odds I'd have this cancer) start looking like really big numbers. And you feel kind of silly for worrying when really, odds are in your favor that it's nothing, but you can't shake the feeling that it's something. And you're already a worrier, who can get worked up into a frenzy without having any real, tangible thing to worry about. And then you have this. And you don't want to talk about it or think about it, but when you're alone in the car, or trying to fall asleep after a hard day, all you can think about is, holy crap what if this is cancer? And you just cry and cry with the worry. And you do any and everything you can to try and distract yourself from the worry, but nothing seems to push it out of your mind. Even thyroid cancer, which is one of the least deadly, most successfully treated types of cancer, scares the crap out of me. I could still be sick, and these babies of mine, they need me. And for 8 months I felt like I couldn't breathe.

On Friday, they took out the right lobe of my thyroid, and the nodule attached to it. Preliminary pathology came back benign, but full pathology results weren't done until today. And I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to breathe again. It was benign. Didn't talk terribly in depth (I will on Tuesday at my post-op appt), but the dr basically told me that had this been overlooked and not noticed for another 5, maybe 10 years... this would be cancer.

And it suddenly dawned on me just how lucky I am that my doctor decided to go back and feel my throat a second time, because she thought it felt funny. It was by sheer luck that we were able to find and remove this 3cm piece of funk that had the potential to turn my life upside down, 10 years down the road. It's also given me great perspective, and helped me to know, in the smallest way, what it must be like for people who have real, long term health problems. And it has made me so grateful for what I have. And especially for what I don't have.


(Randy Taylor had hypothyroidism, and had to take thyroid hormone medication daily. I know you were worried about that.)

Alyssa, Just remember...

Note to Self:

Being a mom is way harder than you thought it was going to be. Even with just two kids, there are A LOT of days when you darn near pull your hair out. Emma's quite good at being two, and her dare-devil, defiant independence is the best and worst thing about her. And Izzy is just a sweet little ball of butter who has the misfortune of just about every day being a very bad-no good-down-and-out sort of day, in some way or another. It's not her fault that she's got tummy problems, or that she's having a hard time with teething, or that she's picked up bugs and colds here and there. Wouldn't you cry a lot if every day you felt like crap?

But Alyssa, just remember, that even on a night like tonight, there are sweet moments to savor.

Savor those moments when Emma, who can rarely sit still, wants nothing more than to sit next to you and read book after book after book after book.

Savor those moments during middle of the night potty trips, when she wraps her arms around your neck, and whispers "I love you Zurg." (Because she, of course, is Buzz Lightyear...)

Savor those moments at the park when she wants to hold your hand, as you go down the side-by-side slides together.

Savor those moments when your girls are in the swings next to each other, both of them giggling as you push them along.

Savor those moments when Izzy pulls herself up on your shoulder, and gives you big sloppy kisses.

Savor those moments when she laughs with delight Every. Single. Time. that you pop out from behind the blanket and say "peekaboo!"

Savor those moments when, in the midst of her screaming, she stops and nuzzles into that perfect spot on your neck, and you can feel the soft rhythm of her breathing and she drifts away into sleep.

Savor those moments when you know the only thing that can soothe her is you.

Savor those moments...

All those years you spent wishing to be a mother. You weren't dreaming of the poopy diapers, and the crying, and the boogers, and the tantrums, and the teething, and the shots, and sleepless nights. You were dreaming about all the moments to savor. And they are here. They are happening. Remember them. Love them. And let them get you through these long, long nights. You have so, so much to be grateful for.

Sincerely,
Me.

Things I like:

*When playing with her cars, instead of saying vroom, Emma says "Verm Verm!"

*My ENT finally solved the mystery of my ears. It's an antiobiotic-resistant super bug. And now I've got the right drugs to treat it. Hooah.

*Tonight my mother-in-law was holding Izzy and asked her where her mommy was. She smiled really big, then pointed to me!

*Our sump pump is holding out, and keeping our basement dry. I really, really like this.

*We live pretty much right in between the Swatty in Hershey (down Rt. 39 to the East) and the Susquehanna River downtown (down Rt. 39 to the West). We are so lucky in our location right now.

*My sister Chrysta moved to the DC area, and we've already seen them three times in just over a month. Heading down to see her again next week.

*While we're there, my brother Scott will be at Pax River with his plane (he's a navy pilot) and we'll get a tour!

*When Izzy makes this face, with her little baby dino spikes! And she's rash free!


*When Emma makes this face. It's her "I'm a star" face.

*When my little girls cuddle up to Franklin, our new five foot teddy bear, that daddy brought home.

*I think we've found the true secret to Izzy's hair-do.