Monday, April 23, 2012

This post is for my future grandchildren...

Dear Future Grandchildren,
This was my facebook (does that still exist??) status and ensuing comments from today, regarding how I spent my time with your mother/aunt. Please enjoy, and use it to harrass them as needed.
Love, Grandma.


This morning was nothing but a string of unfortunate events. Both girls were awake entirely too early, which means they were up before daddy left for work. The result is always a tantrum of epic proportions x2. Finally got the girls calmed down, fed, dressed, and we set off for the grocery store followed by a trip to the Curiousity Connection at the State Museum. We got to the museum, I dumped 2 hours worth of quarters into the meter, and headed in. Only the museum is closed on Mondays...

So I had to drag the girls back to the car (in the rain), and they both melted down again because a) we couldn't play at the museum and b) who wants to get buckled in again when you JUST got out. Finally got them in with promises to go to Chocolate World. Headed out when Emma informed me she had to poop. Immediately called Mike, since we were right near his building. He didn't answer, and there was nowhere close to us where I felt safe/comfortable enough to drag the girls out of the car AGAIN, use the bathroom, and then buckle them up again. So, we headed for home after Emma assured me she could hold it that long. Traffic was strangely heavy, and it took 20 minutes to get there. Of course, Emma pooped her pants in the garage. Got her cleaned up (while Izzy was still in the car, raging), then headed out for Chocolate world...

Got to chocolate world, rode the ride once, and headed for a second ride. Except Izzy threw herself on the floor and had a psychotic meltdown, acting like she was terrified of the ride (even though she was fine and happy the first time, and has ridden it at least 20 times in the last 6 months). I finally dragged her off the floor and headed for hot chocolate, when Emma said she needed to potty again. We stopped, found a large stall, Emma went, then I did too. Except as soon as I sat down, Emma opened the door at the exact same moment that Izzy opened the trash bin and reached in. My instinct was to grab them, Izzy first because ew. Got Izzy, but Emma had the door swinging wide open. A nice lady outside (there were lots of them...) tried to shut it for me...
 
But Emma was blocking her way. I finally grabbed Emma and the lady shut the door and then leaned against it so Emma couldn't open it again. During all of this bouncing, I got pee all over my pants/shoes, because lets be honest I never did my kegels and couldn't stop it midstream, and didn't even think to in the moment, anyway. So I got cleaned up, and we headed home. And of course they melted down because now we weren't having hot chocolate. Decided to stop for nuggets on the way home, because I was about to lose my marbles and the thought of having to make lunch at home made me want to retch. That settled them reasonably enough. Got them home and at the table. Thought they were occupied at the table, so I got everything ready for dinner in the crockpot (since I'm working at 6pm). Except while I was doing that they made an ENORMOUS mess at the table.
 
After that was all done and cleaned up, I took them upstairs so I could get a shower. That was all fine and good until I was completely covered in soap/shampoo. That's when Emma came in, needing to potty yet again. Except Izzy followed her,... and in the 30 seconds it took me to completely rinse, Izzy managed to unroll and destroy almost an entire roll of toilet paper. I was yelling for them to stop the whole time, and they just looked at me and laughed and unrolled more TP. When i got out, I could tell Izzy had pooped, so I put on my robe and took her downstairs to change her diaper. Except she flipped out, and I got poop all over my leg and my robe (OF COURSE it's immediately after I shower). Then I had to sit on her to do yet another round of eye drops.
 
I don't think I've ever looked forward to going to work as much as I do right now...