The Gym

Ok, so I am irked. I love summer. ABSOLUTELY love it. I spend a lot of time reading, relaxing, baking, cooking, cleaning, and all the other stuff I love to do. As a part of my daily routine, I like to get up and go to the gym first thing in the morning, since I obviously don't have that luxury during the school year. And after two weeks, it's already getting to me!! Not the gym itself, just the geriatrics who swarm the place. Usually during the year it's the meat heads at the gym I can't stand. You know, the guys who spend more time talking about the creatine and power bars they consume, than actually lifting. You can spot them right away, because they've usually got a huge chest and arms, and then toothpick legs. Gotta love the beach workout. But, what I've discovered, is that the elderly that overtake my gym from 5:00 am to noon are much, much worse.

Today, I just couldn't take it, and had to leave early. I know it's going to be a bad day when the parking lot is full of cadillacs and oldsmobiles, so I should've known better and just kept on driving. But I didn't. I went in. And my nostrils were immediately assaulted by the smell. Granted, I was walking into a gym, so a bit of a smell is expected. But old people smell at the gym is bad, very bad. It's not just BO, it's BO combined with mothballs, bengay and flatulence. It's literally nauseating at points. Determined, I headed for the treadmill area, which, thankfully, was pretty vacant for the most part. I turned the tv on and got to running. About ten minutes later this particularly obnoxious old lady came in. The treadmill area is set up with about 12-15 treadmills in a long row, with four tv's set up on the opposite wall. When this lady came in, there were only two treadmills occupied, at opposite ends. And she decides to get on the treadmill directly to my left. And she decides to turn the tv I'm watching to a different channel. I try yelling at her that I'm watching that, but apparently she's deaf so she didn't hear my protest. I was already very annoyed and she had just walked in the room. Then, she sits down on her treadmill and whips out... you guessed it... a tube of bengay and starts lathering up. My lungs were burning up and my eyes were tearing at this point, but I was determined not to let her ruin my workout.

So, I'm running full speed by this point, while my new neighbor is at full throttle going a blistering 1 mph and huffing and puffing along. But I soon remembered that she was one of these ladies who has to talk to EVERYONE that comes in the door. You have to walk past the entrance to the treadmill area to get to the weight room, so almost everyone comes through here. The entrance is to my right, and the lady is to my left. So everytime someone comes in, she waves her right hand, nearly smacking me in the face, completely oblivious. And she's got an annoying voice. And half the people come over and stand right in front of me and chat with her for a few minutes. But of course, while she's chatting, she takes her feet off the belt, and stands on the side of the machine. Can't talk and walk at the same time you know... And then finally, I hear her comment to her friend about how far she's walked!!! She spent most of the time standing on the rails of the treadmill! Egads!! I'd had enough of being crowded and irritated, so I just finished up my run and headed for the weight room.

Personally, when I go to the gym, I put on my music and get to work. I don't like wasting time, or chit chatting, which is apparently what ALL ELDERLY PEOPLE DO AT THE GYM. Usually the weight room part of the gym isn't too crowded, but for some reason this morning was like a geriatric convention in there. And they all just stand around. It takes them about 20 minutes to do a machine, because they spend so much time just talking. And the other thing that really creeps me out, is that many of them are doing their workout in bathing suits, because many of them go to the pool after they lift. GROSS! Just gross on all accounts! So in the weight room I have a routine, and I know ahead of time what lifts I want to do that day. If a machine is busy, I'll just wait and get to it later. Unfortunately today there were old people either using or leaning up against almost all the machines. What really, REALLY irks me is the way they speak to me. For instance today I wanted to use the squat rack, and there was an old man leaning on it. I asked him if he was using it, or if I could please use it. At this point he got all offended and started on his sarcastic rant of "Oh excuse me sweetheart, my apologies, an old man should never lean on things, please, please forgive sweet cheeks". I wanted to slap him, but surprisingly restrained myself. I hate it when the old men refer to me as "sweetheart" , or "sweetcheeks", or "young thing" or "precious" or "darling" or "honey" or, my least favorite, "puddin'". But it seems that no matter what I'm asking, that's always the type of name they come up with for me. Grrrr. And the old guys, they fart all the time. In the middle of lifting, they're just straining so hard, they just fart. Most of the time they just laugh it off, too. It's just so, so gross.

And today the last straw was the same obnoxious woman from the treadmill, who came down to the weight room about 10 minutes after I did. I went to sit on the leg curl machine, and she runs over and says "Oh sweetheart, you must not have noticed... this is my towel right here, I'm on this machine". That was funny, considering she hadn't been sitting in it, and that on the contrary she was standing over by the water fountain talking to the gaggle of elderly located there. So, I relented and went to find something else to do. I went and did two other exercises, three sets of each. And the leg curl machine was still empty, so I went and sat in it, despite the fact that the lady's towel was still there, and that she had spent the entire time I was doing those lifts talking, and not doing a thing on the leg curl machine. Once again, she ran over, but this time wasn't so polite. "Ok toots, you obviously don't get it, I'm on this machine and if you keep trying to kick me off it, I'll contact the manager and have you thrown out of here!" I could not believe my ears. Had she really just threatened to have me kicked out?? Really? She had. I tried to explain that I could be done really quick while she was talking, and that she wasn't really "on" the machine, because she was actually over by the waterfountain talking. She did not take to this very kindly, and stormed away and I assumed she was probably on her way to find a manager. So I grabbed my keys and left. On my way out the front door I saw her talking to the clerk at the front desk, and then she shot me the most evil look and pointed directly at me as I was walking out. I don't think tomorrow is going to be a great day at the gym.

So I don't want to sound all evil and anti-elderly. I mean, I think it's great for them to stay in shape and be healthy. I just wish they didn't have to do it en masse at the exact time I'd like to be in the gym. Now, I'm sure you're wondering, why don't I just go to the gym later in the day? BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO! I like working out in the morning, and then I have the rest of my day to do whatever it is I need or want to do! I shouldnt' have to rearrange my whole day because of the elderly... so I guess I'll just have to figure out a way to deal with it... but I'm not gonna like it!